I’m not… no, I’m not the terrible person you say I am. I strive to do good things, to fight that darker nature… to be a better person…
[That’s the thing he’s always feared though. That it doesn’t come naturally to him to be that good person, that he has to fight against his true nature to find that better side. The darkness is deep and has a very firm hold upon him, he can’t ever deny that, unfortunately. There’s his appalling lust for Rosa, his best friend’s wife. There’s his overall envy of Cecil, a jealousy that’s nearly destroyed him. He probably has all seven deadly sins covered in full. Then there’s just… the darker self that Zemus stirred up in him. He can’t be rid of it, no matter how hard he tries. And it’s true, he realizes with a shudder. She’s seen his worst thoughts and feelings, peered into his darkness and glimpsed the truth. She probably knows him better than he does himself, a terrible thought indeed.]
I don’t want to be Cecil, I just… I want to be as good as him. Better than him.
[No use hiding it from her, all his life has been an attempt to surpass someone, whether his father or Cecil.]
And I am not weak! Never call me that. Giving up control is the best… no, no, NO- [Oh god oh god what’s wrong with him? How did that slip like that? He loathes the effect she has on him, uuuugh. This is wrong, so wrong. Yet there is that side of him that wants to accept the darkness, that wants the freedom of giving up....] The worst. The worst feeling imaginable.
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[That’s the thing he’s always feared though. That it doesn’t come naturally to him to be that good person, that he has to fight against his true nature to find that better side. The darkness is deep and has a very firm hold upon him, he can’t ever deny that, unfortunately. There’s his appalling lust for Rosa, his best friend’s wife. There’s his overall envy of Cecil, a jealousy that’s nearly destroyed him. He probably has all seven deadly sins covered in full. Then there’s just… the darker self that Zemus stirred up in him. He can’t be rid of it, no matter how hard he tries. And it’s true, he realizes with a shudder. She’s seen his worst thoughts and feelings, peered into his darkness and glimpsed the truth. She probably knows him better than he does himself, a terrible thought indeed.]
I don’t want to be Cecil, I just… I want to be as good as him. Better than him.
[No use hiding it from her, all his life has been an attempt to surpass someone, whether his father or Cecil.]
And I am not weak! Never call me that. Giving up control is the best… no, no, NO- [Oh god oh god what’s wrong with him? How did that slip like that? He loathes the effect she has on him, uuuugh. This is wrong, so wrong. Yet there is that side of him that wants to accept the darkness, that wants the freedom of giving up....] The worst. The worst feeling imaginable.